How Our Sons are Learning to Survive after the Death of Their Big Brother

There is no manual for grieving a sibling as a child, trust me I've searched for one! It's just not that common, I guess, and it shouldn't be!



Children think they are invincible and damn it, they should! They are entitled to being delusional. These are the same people who think they can become superheroes. They have no clue how this big awful world really operates. They are focusing on big stuff, you know like what's in my lunchbox today and what are we going to play at recess.

Our boys are dealing learning to cope with life after their 16 year old big brother died suddenly.

That guy who was always hogging the Xbox, he's just gone. The dude they looked to for what was cool, he's not on the computer anymore. The culinary genius who brought us treats like the "Co Co Burger" (Liam called him Co Co as a baby, they made burgers with damn near everything on it, bologna, spam, anything it was beyond gross), he's not destroying the kitchen.

How do we, as parents, explain the unexplainable? I mean we are supposed to have ALL of the answers. And believe me, they want answers, they are quite direct with their questions and concerns.

We have done the counselor thing. I'm not sure how helpful that was for either of them. Logan didn't want to be on a schedule with his emotions, which brought the therapist to the conclusion that he was avoiding acceptance of Connor's death. But come on, who wants to be told, okay Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 3-4 you need to be ready to talk about all of the horrible things your dealing with all day everyday. I think he saw it more as an opportunity to hang out and play with an adult who had complete focus on him. Who can blame him? Eventually, Logan decided he didn't want to continue going. So, we stopped.

Now, 7 months after Connor's death, Logan's emotions have come right up to the surface. I think he was being strong for us, now he is confronted with the magnitude of it all. He keeps telling me he's never going to forget Connor, I know. He cries uncontrollably telling me how unfair it all is, I know. He can't focus at school because no one understands him anymore, I know.

How can I help him, we are all so broken.

Our lives will never be the same. Our future, their future is now and forever changed.

So, somehow we are forging through each day. They are looking to us to show them how.....because we are supposed to know. We don't know and I really freaking wish we weren't being forced to learn!

If you have ANY tips, I'm all ears! Please share with me!!!