EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON

When someone dies suddenly, friends and family try desperately to offer support. A common statement uttered is, "everything happens for a reason.” I’m calling BULLSHIT!

I realize that these words are somehow suppose to bring comfort. I think the only one comforted is the person saying it because it gives them SOMETHING to say. No one knows what to say during a time of tragedy, which offers the best opportunity to open mouth insert foot.

No one says to a lottery winner, “everything happens for a reason.” No, that guys a WINNER!!  It seems that only bad things require the statement, "everything happens for a reason." No one says “everything happens for a reason,” to someone unless they have suffered.

"We NEED a reason..."

We need a reason. We need to know why something so horrific would happen.  When Riley died, we tried desperately to make since of his death. I found comfort from a nurse who told me a story of my twins. She said that they were best buddies in a previous life, they’d found each other in heaven. They sat together when they were told that Logan been chosen to come join a family.  Logan didn’t want to leave Riley. Riley told him that he would go with him. Once they were born and Riley knew that Logan was going to be safe, she said, he had to return to heaven where he continues to watch over his best friend.  That story has stayed with me over the last 8 years. It has brought me more comfort than she would have ever known.  She gave me an answer to why that made me feel the bond between Logan and Riley, and the ability to let Riley go in a way.

Not everything happens for a reason.

Terrible things happen. Wonderful things happen. It’s only for the horrible things that we need to have an explanation. There is no reason that Connor spent his barely 16 years without ever driving a car, going on a first date, graduating or having children. No reason that he, at 8 years old was faced with the death of his infant brother. No reason that at 12 he had to say goodbye to his Papa, one of the most important people in his world. There is no possible way to explain why he had to endure such heartache only to leave this life at 16 when he was just beginning to discover who he was and who he wanted to become. 

Sure I tried to make since of his death.

I thought, maybe we were meant to uncover an illness in Liam that would have otherwise gone unnoticed. Or maybe he, having Asperger’s, would have never realized his dreams only to live a life of depression. I told myself that he was happy now. He is in a place of peace surrounded by love and happiness. He is reunited with Papa and Riley. 

In the end, having a reason for tragedy is pointless. Its just a locked door with emptiness on the other side. We rattle the door insistently, bang on the door, yell at the door. When we finally knock it off of its frame in a fit of heartache filled rage, we are greeted with a black hole.

There is no pretty bow that can be put on our loss.  Each person has to come to accept the emptiness. We can only be thankful for the wonderful memories we are left with, the beautiful imprint they left us with that no one can ever take.  

So, until I leave this place I will always have a broken heart. Always, appreciate what I have, while always longing and missing what I've lost.