Last week I gave you a list of 9 things to do to help a grieving friend.
I think it is equally important for you to know what you should under no circumstance say to a grieving friend.
DO NOT SAY:
#1
"I know how you feel, my _______died"
Oh, dear Lord, PLEASE don't say this! I actually had someone that I love that I know loves me and is very dear to me say, "when my cat died......". I didn't hear the rest because my focus had turned to the fact that my eyeballs had become stuck in the back of my head. If someone else had said that to me I almost definitely would have kicked them in the head, yes I CAN kick that high...wanna find out? But the truth is, you DON'T know how they feel, you can't possibly know.
#2
"I don't know how you do it..."
Know what? Neither do I. Having people say that to me day after day only makes me wonder, how the HELL am I doing it? It also makes me feel pitiful, as though people are feeling so sorry for me and if they were in my shoes they would...WHAT.. WHAT would they do? I just don't get it. My choice is to either do it, put one foot in front of the other, or don't and end it all. So, I have chosen (as though there is even a choice) to continue to put one foot in front of the other.
#3
"Call me"
Good Grief(no pun intended) Don't tell your grieving friend to call you. Pick up the damn phone and call them! Let them know you care! Let them know they are on your mind! Let them know they are important to you! The griever (is that a word) is exhausted! It is honestly EXHAUSTING just the act of getting out of bed each day knowing what you are faced with for the next 12-15 hours.
#4
"What can I do?"
Again, a pure STUPID thing to ask. We don't know what you can do to help. Hell, we don't even know what day it is most of the time. Just DO anything! This little website
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#5
"God has a plan."
So, depending on your belief, maybe God does have a plan. But you know what? As a mom who is now facing living the rest of her life without two of her precious boys, I couldn't give a flying SHIT about God's perfect plan!
#6
Be empathetic - don't feel pity.
You might be wondering what I mean. Well, put yourself in the griever's shoes, you know like if your cat had died (I couldn't even type that without rolling my eyes!). Just try not to look at the griever with eyes of pity. Instead look at them with eyes of love and caring.
#7
"God doesn't give us anything we can't handle"
This one is interesting to me. I remember, as a kid, hearing people saying this to me or around me. I remember thinking what a relief that was! I mean, hell, at least anything that comes my way, I will kick it's ass! As I got older and seeing depression and misery, I realized what a load of crap this saying is! Come on, what about the people that commit suicide? I guess they were not aware of this little nugget of information. If they'd only known! UGH!!!
The bottom line is, if you don't know what to say, just stifle yourself and offer a hug. You really can't go wrong with a hug!
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