At Least You Have....

When we suffered the loss of one of  our twins at 4 days old, people actually said to us, "at least you have one of them." As if that was somehow comforting. What does that even mean? I wanted to ask them which of their children they thought was disposable. They were two completely separate people.

I had to come to understand that it was just something people say for the lack of something to say. As completely stupid as it was to say to a mom, I had to let it go in one ear and out the other.

Now after Connor's death, hearing, "at least you have your other boys," was somehow completely different.



If it weren't for Logan and Liam, I'm not sure how I could have made it through.  I have the responsibility to get them up for school. I have to feed them, bathe them, I have to be strong for them.

Connor and I-of course
he had to be goofy

Maybe the most important thing I can do for them, is keep Connor's memory alive. So, I do!

I talk about Connor, I laugh about him. I share memories everyday with them about the relationship that they had with him.

Logan learned to dribble from Connor, Connor LOVED basketball. The two of them would play in our driveway. I remember Logan always saying," Connor don't go so hard on me!" Connor wanted Logan to be the best player he could be and to Connor that meant not taking it easy on Logan.

Since Connor was homeschooling, he and Liam were home together while Logan was at school. They developed a close bond. Connor loved picking Liam's clothes out everyday, he was very into clothes.

So, I am beyond grateful that "at least I have" Logan and Liam, I just wish that I also had Connor and Riley. I'm selfish that way, I guess.

Without Logan and Liam, I would not have the strength to get out of bed everyday.  I put one foot infront of the other for them. I smile and laugh for them. It is important that they know its okay to be happy. Its okay to talk about Connor. Its okay to be OKAY.